FINE... oni d word i can say...

19 May 2009.. Nearly one week we had brek up... She went to KL to find her friend Kim.. The most important person in this world i think... Talk about "FINE"... This only the word i can only say.. Few days ago, something terrible, horrible, freaking thing happen in my dream.. She died in my dream.. I don't know why but what i only remember is she had pass away... I cant stop crying in my dream... Is really horrible... In my dream, i just wan to wake up and hope and wish that not happening.. I'm trying so hard.. Finally i woke... But i still cant stop my tears falling on my cheeks.. I really cant sleep that night.. I really scare something really happen on her.. I try to call her but i scare i disturb her from having fun with her friend.. I really scare i keep irritating he until she don't even wan to find me.. At the end i just leave her... That's what can i do as friend.. And no longer as her guardian.. 

Today.. She finally online.. And that's the only way i can talk to her.. I try to show to her what i did this weekend.. I feel so happy when i tell her that i cook" ba kut teh".. I show her one photo at first but then when i show her more... She decline it... She tell me she NOT INTERESTED... How hurt is it... It's really hurt me so deep... All blissfulness had just pass away.. And sadness keep wondering beside me.... WHY??????? I really don't know why? I din say much thing and just say"FINE".... Because that's only the word i can say.. I don't know what can i say and i really wan to continue the conversation.. But somehow... I don't have the heart to chat with her.. The only important thing for her is her friend... No one else can replace it.. Even me.... That's why i really hate to seperate so far... She promise me before that she won't do that do this.. But what she doing now is what she promise me not to do... The thing she promise me will do is not even happening after she go there.... Maybe for her i'm just not important enough and keep block her from having fun.. Now you got it.... You really got what you wan... Congrate... You are no longer being irritated by me... But hope u remember that... I LOVE YOU TO INFINITY......... And i wrote one song just for you before i go to Ipoh this year... But u not even appreciate it..... What can i do.... I just feel so disappointed....